honey, but we got no money.

Daddy, i'm so sorry, s-s-sorry yeah.



That's right. It's exactly what you think it.

Ill have a blue christmas without you.

"The heart-broken tale of unrequited love during the holidays had long been considered a Christmas staple"

I'll have a blue christmas without you. I'll be so blue just thinking about you. Decorations of red on a green christmas tree, won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me. And when those blue snowflakes start falling, that's when those blue memories start calling. You'll be doin' all right, with your christmas of white-but I'll have a blue, blue blue blue christmas.

I'd post a heart-breakingly handsom picture of Elvis under normal circumstances, however my MacBook is spending the holidays with the apple store getting it's video card replaced. I, on the other hand, will be spending it with a fully stocked fridge, time and a half pay at work, and cards sent to me by corporations but not a single person I know.

At least I have new years to look forward to.


Oh wait..

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU.

Incase anyone has a lot of disposable income feels inclined to spend a lot of said income on myself, I would like to remind this person of a particular YSL sold out turquoise ring that would make me the happiest lady in parkdale.


I'll look as happy as Alexa Chung here, denim in hand. I just noticed I'm already wearing the corresponding nailpolish...i'm on my way.

ICDK.

I have to work at the eaton centre tomorrow at 7am, making two, two finger pyramid stud rings very apropos.

Try not to be bothered by my old lady hands. I mean, artist hands?

Oh no she didn't.

Yes, i'm about to study for my history of typography exam via my blog.

Caslon, William Caslon-1730 Serif Transitional (Like baskerville Q but with shorter tail)
Baskerville, John Baskerville-1750 Serif Transitional (Long fancy Tail on Q that extends beyond body)
Helvetica, Miedinger, 1957-Sans Serif Grotesque (Blunt tail on Q)
Futura, Paul Renner, 1930-Sans Serif Geometric (sharp tail on Q inside and out)
Times New Roman, Morison-1930 Transitional (pointy tail on Q outside only)
Rockwell, Monotype Corporation-1930 Slab Serif (think eye exam letters)
Garamond, Claude garamond-1530 Old Style (wikipedia capital W)
Bickman Script, Lipton-1990 Script Formal (super fancy)
Mistral, Excoffon-1953 Script Informal (Parisian handwriting)
Franklin Gothic, Benton-1900 Grotesque (Super heavy think black)




Just checked, they're all correct.

"l'enfer, c'est les autres"

"Three strangers, trapped in a room for all eternity, each wanting something from the other, a wish unfulfilled. Sartre's vision of hell.......



hell is other people."

Love is natural and real but not for such as you and I, my love

"If you're so funny, then why are you on your own tonight ? And if you're so clever, then why are you on your own tonight ? If you're so very entertaining, then why are you on your own tonight ? If you're so very good-looking, why do you sleep alone tonight ? I know ...'Cause tonight is just like any other night.
That's why you're on your own tonight



I didn't sleep last night and don't see myself being able to sleep tonight either. There are just too many things on my mind. I broke my permanent retainer on my bottom teeth, and won't have time to get it fixed until next week. Also, i've had this strange insatiable hunger for the last couple of days. I consume so much and still feel empty-in more ways than one, it seems. I find I keep myself constantly busy as a means to distract myself, but when it comes time to fall asleep there is nothing to prevent me from mulling over everything I otherwise try so hard to ignore.

'Lonely people are always up in the middle of the night'

What's amatter baby? can't breathe?

From the start I see the end.
"You have all the tools, you can do it-I can see you have the potential......but, do you have the passion? I think you don't have the passion"

Mid-life crisis at 22. Which i've been anticipating for about 2 years. I've got no idea what to do, what else I could ever do. Who to talk to, where to go. Everything becomes more and more off-course and nothing seems to become more clear. Transparent to people who I barley even know.


On an unrelated note:"I remember as soon as I made that notable hans zimmer song my ringtone I would regret it. I remember thinking as soon as I did it 'This is going to be horrible when we break up, every time my phone rings it's going to make me think of you and it's going to be horrible' and about a month or so after it happened that thought process of mine came back to me. The ringtone wasn't horrible like I thought it would be.

Yes, of course, it made me think of you. But everything did.

Absolutely everything.

So, on it's own, it wasn't horrible. It was just one of the hundreds of contributors that made you incessantly on my mind and impossible to forget. Seems to typical-something I anticipate being horrible was less so-but only in relation to everything else which was equally so.

I miss you every single day.
I don't know what will help after 7 months and nothing feels better.




Chanel Paris-Shanghai collection might.

One more, one less.

'It always fascinates me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all...nothing'



'Well yes, i'll bump into him, and we'll meet our new boyfriend/girlfriend and we'll act as if we were never together. Then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely (almost). It's always the same for me, break up, break down, drink up, fool around, meet one guy, then another to forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start to look again for true love, desperately look everywhere. And after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well..."

yeah.

Shame is the name (of the game)

Gave in and bought the Dolce Vita boots i'd been watching for quite some time since they were on sale, sort of ($20 off $220 doesn't help much) Pretty accurate photo of what they'll look like on me since I'm always clad in black tights and horribly pigeon toed. Final project for my Illustrator concept class (my major class) was given today at 5:30pm and is due at 1:30pm tomorrow. I wish I could complain about the 19hr time frame i'm expected to complete this in, but this is what my jobs will be like for the rest of my life. Although, as someone who procrastinates often and is late always, i'm used to being in a rush. A toast, to my frantic future.

Love comes close but chooses to spare me.

Can't stop listening to this record. This song is obnoxiously catchy(apparently it's in a radio shack commercial?) and the rest of the album does it for me simply with the seeming re-incarnation of ian curtis on vocals. This weekend has left me feeling good and bad at the same time, and I can't decided how I feel now. I should be doing homework. Last week of class-then it's work work work. Strange to think that nxne was in june. Feels like a few weeks ago.


All work and no play makes Catherine a dumb blonde. (what?)

I JUST DIED.

for this fucking ring! i've been looking for two/three/four fingered rings exactly like this, but they've all been so expensive. H&M spring can't come soon enough! look out eaton centre, i'm going to be calling you asking for this everyday. Hi, can I get an accessories check please?

HE'S SOMETHIN' ELSE.

Why don't they make boys that look like this anymore? In my fantasy world, they are lots of them. They all live in new york, have a propensity towards smoking, drinking, puppies, and small insecure blonde girls...

Got no salvation.

I was planning to wait, but decided fuck it, and downloaded the leek Fame Monster.
Absolutely adore this track-favourite from the album hands down.

No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world.

Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids, shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs.

I can't stop watching this video/listening to this song. I adore everything about it. I also can't seem to stop obsessing over wolves-every dream I'm able to remember, they make an appearance at some point (which I think as far as dream interpretations go, I should find this troubling but I do not)


Sometimes I ask myself why I even bother keeping a blog. I take comfort in the fact that no one really reads it. But I also become paranoid over how i'm portraying myself. I've never been good at letting anyone get to know me, and i'm afraid that because of my reluctance to let anyone in, that a strange distorted image of me is projected everywhere that has very little truth behind it. This is my fear: people seeing me differently than the way I am. And car accidents.Every time I open my mouth, I give too much of myself away. I understand how immature it must seem to wonder the way strangers or acquaintances see you, judge you. But when you live alone, there are hours that turn into days of nothing except thoughts, that can turn into suspicions, that can turn into insecurities, that already existed if you happen to be a perfectionist. Which I do. Solidarity is equally good and bad for me.

Ps. I had $32 worth of empties the other day.


yeah.

Through a glass darkly.

I love my laptop case. Adore it, even. I'm an apple advocate through and through, and I love that the (for the most part) the accessories that you can find for apple products are designed with equal amounts of functionality and atheistic appeal. For example, my ACMEMADE macbook pro case.



It has everything you'd expect from a simple, slim softcase. It is also, very pretty, fuzzy grey flannel. I don't think they're available from apple (but they should be) I got mine from the OCAD book/computer store. acmemade.com

I'm a fool to want you.

To want a love that can't be true, a love that's there for others too. I'm a fool to hold you, such a fool to hold you. To seek a kiss not mine alone, to share a kiss the Devil has known. Time and time again I said I'd leave you, time and time again I went away. But then would come the time when I would need you, and once again these words I'd have to say. I'm a fool to want you. Pity me, I need you. I know it's wrong, it must be wrong. But right or wrong I can't get along

without you





All I can think about is whether you even notice I'm not around. You didn't fight for me to stay. You never asked me to reconsider. You let me go as if you had never written 'You mean the world to me'. Because if that were remotely true you would have done something...anything...anything other than watch me walk away. It's only been eight days(but who's counting) since I spoke to you and we only exchanged five words(but who's counting) and I'm just trying to understand how I'm supposed to get through the rest.

Step into the darkness.

Thought i'd show you a little bit of where I live, since I spend so much time here. There are a lot of things I want to do to my place still (I don't feel as though i've moved in entirely)
My hallway, to my bathroom and my hallway closet.


My front entrance, shoe rack, artwork I found in a bar


Hallway closet featuring my nine loop scarves (yes they're all necessary despite the fact they're all black and grey)


My bathroom and my fake plant


Mirror and Morrissey


More bathroom


One of my favourite parts of my apartment-the doorknob in my bathroom.


Main view of my bachelor


Window ledge


Bedside, slight view into my kitchen


And my expedit unit.


I'll post the rest of my place later perhaps. I find it really interesting to see inside where people live, hopefully this was mildly amusing for you.

I WANT YOUR VERTIGO STICK.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Handjob motion dance moves? This is why I love you. Also, I now have about a million more costume ideas for halloween next year (that's right, I might go as lady gaga again)

BARBALERT.

JUSTINBOBBY WITH MORRISSEY HAIR? WHAT THE FUCK IS UP. TAKE ME FOR A RIDE.



(on your motorcycle, of course)

nature is an archaic word that could never ecplain this mess.

Feel yourself sinking down into it, enfolding you....it's a nice feeling, isn't it? What you feel is a pleasant warmth, and heaviness.



Absolutely love charlotte gainsbourg. This film seems amazingly dark and haunting.

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone.

Oh. My. God. Is this not the most beautiful turquoise ring you've ever seen on the face of the planet? I need it, and the saks website has them for pre-order. It may be a bit pricey but I consider a YSL ring such as this as an art investment. There are also a few on e-bay...Good thing christmas is around the corner!

...because you're mine.

I just DIED for these shoes. No hyperbole whatsoever. I litterally died. I'm dead. Yeah.

Samhain.

Dark Theme Video from Aritzia on Vimeo.

Happy Hallowe'en. My favourite of the entire year.

Baby I'll tell you somethin' that'll never be true-baby, I'll get over you.

Baby, baby when I told you I wanna be just like you

You laughed cause you always wanted to be somebody else.
Baby, baby I won't forget you in the night when I drink my head off. Memories of you and I, help me help me please
Saw the raveonettes last night-I thought it was a fantastic show. As for Sharin, seeing her last night has turned me from simple admirer to fully and entirely obsessed. There is something so endearing about an adorable lady with a great haircut, who can sing like a dream and play guitar (and drums!) Alas the only thing I can hope to have in common with her is the haircut (and in my dreams, colour)

I think I'm a little bit in love with you.

But only If you're a little bit in love with me.
Hands down, i'm too proud for love. But with eyes shut, it's you i'm thinking of.

The beast will have its day.

Holy fucking shit. If they dare to re-make one of the greatest movies of all time and it isn't fantastic, I will fucking loose it. Valentine's day movie date choice already planned.

Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart.

New amazing %100 silk wilfred dress from aritzia. I'm going to live in this allll winter. Difficult to get a good picture of it (afterall, am using webcam on macbook sitting on bed) The sleeves (with dropped shoulders) and the entire back are a very sheer silk. So much black. Goth.



Ps. Oh hey, you can kind of see a little piece of where I live.

If you could only see the beast you've made of me.

If you could only see the beast you've made of me. I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free. Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart-drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart. My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in. You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl. Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack. My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out. The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound. I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground. Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins. I want to find you, tear out all of your tenderness. Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers-starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters.

The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress-until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest.

This will never end because I want more.

So I love my silver/mother of pearl penknife necklace but...
now I want a gold one. Obsessed.



ps. Also I love whiskey and Amy Millan.

Whatever gets you through the night.

I keep recalling certain things from exacts days this time last year and thinking about how much happier I was. It feels like this has been something i've been doing my whole life, and I can't help but wonder If it will continue this way forever. All loss and no gain is perpetually what It feels like. I only know two ways to sleep anymore.

I'll get over you when the moon stops chasin' the sun.

Sometimes I feel like my only friend is a whiskey glass. You know it don't stop the time, but it helps it pass.
Baby, I'll tell you somethin' that'll never be true-baby, i'll get over you.

One hit.

My necklace came in the mail today! It's smaller than I initially thought it was but I'm quite pleased that. I feel like i'll be wearing it everyday-I absolutely adore it.

You're the reason I can't hurt i've got a heart of stone.

Can't stop listening to the new raveonettes album In and out of control, which comes out in a few weeks if i'm not mistaken. They're playing at the phoenix and If company can be found I plan on being in attendance. Lately for some reason i've been a bit obsessed with lots of brunette ladies making me contemplate whether it's time to go back to my roots (literally..har) Sharin, however, has me content with my 'blonde' locks for a while longer I think...


(Also her perfect ashy little bob makes my need for a haircut so much more dire. Tomorrow...fingers fucking crossed.

Also, arn't we all impressed with the amount of updating i'm doing despite the general irrelevance of content? Well, I am. I'm also pleased with my new 'heading' image if you will. Thoughts? (I ask like more than the occasionally two people read this)

it's all blackened out.

And your kisses at night are replaced with tears, when your dreams are on a train to trainwreck town, then I ask you now: what's a girl to do?

This will never end 'cause I want more.

Bought this amazing black nailpolish from knockout cosmetics. It dries %100 matte! I can't stop checking out my nails-they look amazing. Reminds me of when I used to paint my nails with whiteout in elementary school. Unfortunately though I couldn't fathom skipping my coffee before doing my nails leading to shaky hands and not the best of all paint-jobs. You'll have to settle for a picture of KO sporting it instead. So sorry...



Ps. This picture just makes my need for a haircut seem astronomically more dire. Parlour why were you closed on sunday?!

Waitin' for the train to come in..

Waitin' for my man to come home. I've counted every minute of each livelong day, been so melancholy since he went away. I've shed a million teardrops or more, waitin' for the one I adore. I'm waitin' in the depot by the railroad track-lookin' for the choo-choo train that brings him back. I'm waitin' for my life to begin, waitin' for the train to come in.
Waiting...
Waiting...
I'm waitin' for the train to come in.

I got it bad...(and that ain't good)

I'm feeling mighty lonesome , haven't slept a wink. I walk the floor and watch the door, and in between I drink black coffee. Love's a hand me down brew, I'll never know a Sunday in this weekday room. I'm talking to the shadows from 1 o'clock til 4. And lord, how slow the moments go when all I do is pour black coffee. Since the blues caught my eye, I'm hanging out on Monday my Sunday dreams to dry. Now a man is born to go a lovin'. A woman's born to weep and fret-And drown her past regrets in coffee and cigarettes. I'm moaning all the morning, and mourning all the night. And in between it's nicotine, and not much heart to fight-Black coffee. Feelin' low as the ground. It's driving me crazy just waiting for my baby to maybe come around... around. I'm waiting for my baby to maybe come around. My nerves have gone to pieces, my hair is turning gray. All I do is drink black coffee
since my man's gone away...

All I seem to want to listen to is amazing 1950s jazzy ella, julie, peggy, ruth ect. So many beautifully heartbreaking songs. I pine to exist when this becomes popular again. Until I perfect my time machine i'll just relate better to lyrics written 60 years ago...

Unhappy (belated)Birthday.

So I come home to some legit mail tonight (usually I get KFC coupons and goodlife fitness flyers) However I was truly confused as to its contents. You see, I am expecting two packages however one of which I only ordered yesterday, and the other package I'm expecting is to contain 2 posters so I was mildly concerned when I saw a package in my mailbox shaped like this:

However once I saw the website it was from I had a prettty good idea what it might contain...



And I was right! But I didn't think it would be exactly the shirt I wanted! Thank you so much vik! And so far all the presents i've gotten this year for my birthday have been smiths-related but you can be assured I do not mind. Expect to see me in this at the next smith fits...

I don't even know what It's like not to go back to you.

Decided am for sure going to purchase myself that knife necklace I posted a while back.
Also bought myself this Aritzia Wilfred hooded zip batwing studded sweater I've been pining after for months. And incase you're saying 'Katie you already have two of these'-the other two I have don't have a hood or zip. So shut it)



Also bought myself these (almost?) Tbar mary-jane wedges. Haven't as of yet decided if i'm going to keep them. Thoughts?


Staying home alone again on another saturday night (because tonight is just like any other night, that's why you're on your own tonight) At least I can look forward to Law&Order not being a re-run. Here's hoping.

4 stages.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression...That's as far as i've got. "And just when you think you're over it...it comes back."

more wants.

Usually don't like necklaces much at all, but I adore thisss. Late birthday present anyone?

want/need;

there is no distinction between those two words for me.

I've wanted these rings forever, but only ever saw one set in store once-and they were microscopically tiny and didn't even fit on my pinky! Why are they now on sale?! Why do I live in canada and would need to pay $25 to ship them?! Why do I kind of want to buy them anyway?!

Ever since my baby been gone.

I found out for myself I don't want nobody else. And I tried and tried and tried and I just can't make my way. And I prayed and prayed and prayed that he'd come back to me someday. If he'd just come back to me, I'll be good as I can be. I will treat my baby right, mornin' noon and night. Lord I won't be satisfied till I have him by my side. Ever since my baby been gone I sure had a hard time livin' alone...

waste; because nothing ever mattered.

Everything tonight feels incredibly strange. My apartment feels like somewhere unfamiliar, somewhere outside my window something is burning because it smells like fire. My fingers also smell like perfume, but it isn't mine. Everytime you wake up next to me I swear it will never happen again, but it does, and I don't understand what you don't see. My birthday seems like a blip-like it never even took place. I'm listening to the in ear park album and I can't tell if it simply compliments my mood or is a catalyst for how insane I feel. And I should be watching hours of lynda illustrator tutorials but I can't concentrate. I can't stop thinking about where you are each minute and what you're thinking. This all becomes increasingly more consuming and i'm terrified of what that might mean. And my mother made me a chair. And I keep finding these great old pictures of children. (old makes me think of nostalgia and that is a term I now care nothing for whatsoever and maybe even as far as hate) And i'm a liar (but you already knew that, didn't you?) I feel exceedingly ill at ease.




And in the morning comes, you don't need to be so honest.
I cursed these legs I walked on.
No one does it like you. I tried so hard.
But no one does it like you.
But I tried so hard.
I tried so hard.

in my ears my blood is just roaring.

No walls can keep me protected. No sleep, nothing inbetween me and the rain. And you can't save me now, I'm in the grip of a hurricane. I'm gonna blow myself away. I'm going out, I'm gonna drink myself to death. And in the crowd I see you with someone else, I brace myself, 'cause I know it's going to hurt, but I like to think at least things can't get any worse. No home,
I don't want shelter, no calm, nothing to keep me from the storm. And you can't hold me down, 'cause I belong to the hurricane, It's gonna blow us all away.

Why did my parents let me listen to Morrissey?

What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss.

You’ve got me stuck on repeat.

And I just can’t seem to break free. And I don’t remember how it started, and I don’t know how to stop. But every time I reach the bottom something pulls me right back to the top. Every time I try to break free, then something comes along to intervene. My heart’s skipping, skipping and I don’t know why. I know after all but every time I try , every time I try something pulls me back to the start. Repeat.

Because all of my being is now in pining.

As soon as I'm left alone the devil wanders into my soul and I pretend to myself...

The best part of my day was knowing i'd get off work in time to go to the beer store tied with listening to the new wooden sky record which has a track that starts with "Now Katie don't you worry..."

At my door the leaves are falling, a cold wild wind will come. Sweethearts walk by together, and I still miss someone. I go out on a party and look for a little fun-But I find a darkened corner 'cause I still miss someone. Oh, no I never got over those blues eyes-I see them every where. I miss those arms that held me when all the love was there.

Hey there upper east siders...

I used to rave about GossipGirl, and everyone scoffed at me and my seemingly 14-year old interests. Now everyone else is obsessed and I no longer am the object of mockery of (most) of my friends (at least for being obsessed with GG). BUT I have found what's next which I can only describe as GG-IRL. SO BAD BUT IT'S SO GOOD. You can thank me later.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NYC_prep

scummertime.

belly tops, roman candles, being sweaty.
I miss A/C. But at least i'm always at work and it's cool there. Yeah.

All you need is me.

Bottle opener, usb with gossip girl, mini sbucks card, everything I need.

Sea-foaming at the mouth!

Look at me matching my blog to the best nailpolish colour ever. I never wear polish, except perhaps black-but for this i'll make an exception. This is the first time in my life i've lived somewhere without A/C (first world problems) And If it weren't for the fact i've only slept about 5 hours in total the last two nights, I know my appt would be far too sticky to sleep. I might research a mini AC floor unit of some description. Watching Regis and kelly makes me depressed because i'm not in nyc right now.






Yeah, I watch regis and kelly.

nature is as archaic word that could never ecplain this mess.

Some pictures from the rest of NXNE. Felt obligated to write on this sign in a starbucks. Why else would one need to warned about opening a door after dusk if it wern't for the risk of vampires?!

Drinking incognito at yonge/dundas for black lips.

Brody Dahl at Bovine for secret spinerette show. Up the punx.

On my way home from GZA I happened to be walking by MM JUST as Lady GaGa took the stage. Best.

And last, but not least, and certainly most pertenant-Parkdale on day 1 of garbage strike. The title of the sun and it's proximity to said garbage can I think says it all. If this is day one, I can't imagine how much worse it'll get. And the LCBO workers may strike, which is when i'll really loose it. Yeah.


This week I am a stress fiesta. I've got no internet still, and have so much work and school I don't have any time to book an apt. to get it fixed, especially since they probably will not show up. Also, my macbook charger does not work and therefor anywhere I go to steal internet I can only do for about 2hrs before my battery dies. Really makes doing a research essay difficult. After Thursday I will feel a lot better about life once this fucking class is out of my life. Then i'll stress about how I'm supposed to feel with you. I'll feel a lot worse if we don't speak anymore, but it's difficult to get over someone when you hangout and you're only reminded of why you liked each other so much in the first place. And still do.