I can see it (but I can't feel it)

I'm taking a break from drinking. I have so much homework to do. I'm going to chicago again on thursday, even though i can't really afford it. I wish it was my reading week. If you don't give me any reason to think there is something between us, then i won't think there is something between us. I miss my parents. This is a poorly organized entry with no real point. Here are some random life drawing exercises: One. Two. Three. I wish my scanner wouldn't fuck with the contrast and totally flatten out all of my images. I wish my leg would stop being so sore. I wish my piece of shit refurbished router would work on a consistent basis. I wish i could relax. I wish i could sleep.

If only I were a member of this wireless network, how much better my life would be...

passions just like mine.

Someone please buy me a gaia print. Please.

and i should know because i've seen them.

While normally i maintain that the universe is out to get me-yesterday something changed. I was able to pick up this book at She said boom. Now first of all i show up and the store is closed-the owner apologizes but then changes his mind and askes if there was something specific i was looking for. He opens the store up just so i can come and buy the book. He also only charged me $36 for it even though it was priced at $40 (and the cheapest i've seen it go on ebay for was $140!) He then proceeded to talk to me for a good 20 minutes. To many people it would seem obvious that his motivation for going out of his way for me was simply monetary. I however believe it was much different than that. He didn't have to open to store to let me in. He certainly didn't have to charge me less than was the book was priced at, and he also didn't have to talk to me afterwards. I'm not sure why exactly i'm posting about this-i suppose next time i'm miserable i can look back at this and be reminded that it isn't all bad. I never expect much from people-so when people go out of their way to do something nice it usually catches me off guard-even people i know let alone strangers.

"In post conflictual countries like Lebanon, the public sphere was condemned to death by war. The residents of our cities lost the freedom to move around. The public spaces that act as catalysers of the urban realm are appropriated. They where claimed as private in the male struggle for power by the lethal bullets of snipers. The stairs of gemmayzeh where one of those victims. Now it was time to act and try to reclaim these spaces. Open Air cinema ,a tribute to Fairuz the famous Lebanese singer, was a spontaneous extracurricular intervention During a workshop on public spaces organized by studiobeirut, Archis and Partizan Publik. The idea was to reclaim the stairs as public space by screening a documentary on Fairuz and the Lebanese war. The art intervention came as a mean to appropriate the stair case and declare the physical and the visual united. The black and white image in the flyer was scaled up and printed as a 3mx3m poster. The printout was sliced into pieces then installed on the riser of the staircase. The original image can be seen from a vantage point at a far distance and at close-up it turns into thousands of pixels. The aim of the artwork is to attract the locals and to try to re-familiarize the public space in a therapeutic way."

While i realize we are not in the same situation per say in toronto, i feel as though something similar needs to be done. "Public" space is never public here it seems. A perfect example is when the ROM attempted to get out of paying the $2,400 a year fee because its new “crystal” extension juts over public land. The ROM knew about the fee when it decided to build into public space. Their argument seemed to be based on the idea that this would be a way for the City to show support for public institutions. By waving the fee, that's $2,400 a year that the City's treasury is out. That's $2,400 a year that can not be used to fund actual public institutions. You know, the kind that don't cost $20 per visit. I realize this is an older topic, but i think it's a perfect example of how much value is placed on public space in toronto...

PSiLOVEU

Just saw some of Jason Thielek's work here for the first time-i absolutely love his linear style-i've been doing that sort of thing a lot more lately (although some of my teachers seem to really discourage it-but i've decided fuck it) but i've never seen it used like this.

ps. can't stop listening to the new catpower.

Well let me tell you now

I get no love. I get no sleep at nights. I get nothing that's nice. I get nothing at all, at all, at all, at all, at all, at all, at allllllllll. 'Cause I don't get youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

and i will never sleep again.

So i really decided that i was going to start sleeping more often-over the break i was able to get a normal 8 hours and found myself to be much less irritable, had more energy and saved money on coffee (although i suppose i still managed to drink 3 diet cokes a day which can't be good). You could call it a new years resolution of sorts (but not actually since i am against that whole concept) but from that point on I was going to make an effort to continue with that. I wasn't going to procrastinate, i was going to manage my time to its maximum capability, and i wasn't going to commit acts of spontaneity. I was going to focus-do all of my work on time (no half ass concept jobs thank you very much gary taxali) and do it with time to spare! These were all of the great things i had planned out in my head. Then i had my first week of class and all of that went to shit. I did start my assignments earlier and i did spend more time on them-and i've had better illustrations so far as a result- but i have certainly not maintained my ideal number of sleep hours. As well, i started watching Dexter. I know that all of you are probably way ahead of me here, but i seem to always be behind when in comes to mainstream tv cult series. As such, i feel compelled to catch up to the rest of you and so every night (when i should be sleeping) im searching around on youtube trying to find someone who has uploaded episodes and watch them before their account gets suspended (youtube does a surprisingly good job at catching people even within the day they post the eps). So basically i think i've come to terms with the fact that i'll never get a normal amount of sleep-i can always find reasons to stay up and i think that will always be my problem. I guess there is just too much out there that i want to see. Sleep is the cousin of death anyway, right?

please, please, please let me get what i want

4:37

Hey baby, call me.

If only i had found out about these before christmas. Oh well, my birthday isn't too far off.

It begins with a wave of disgust.

If you haven't already, now would be a good time for that 'loose the weight' resolution.
It's a fat world after all.

Never create anything-it will be missinturpereted. It will chain you and follow you for the rest of your life. It will never change.

I went to see I'm not there the other night-i wasn't really sure what to expect from the movie, particularly since i don't know much about bob dylan. I'm not sure weather or not this factored much into my enjoyment of the film-but it certainly was interesting. Afterwards i felt compelled to go learn more about him, i'm not sure if it's because i think he will be interesting or if i simply want to make more sense of the film and the characters in it.

I certainly think the film was worth seeing, and i happened to have found someone on youtube who uploaded the entire thing. Enjoy.

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

I can't wait to go back to school and have no time to think anymore.